For some reason, cliques seem to explode into horrible monsters of exclusion in junior high—much more than in elementary school. Experts on teenagers tell us that cliques are a normal, everyday occurrence of adolescence. You have all witnessed them on your intermediate school campus and even here in our youth group. You probably have been part of one.
During junior high and high school, most young people are trying to figure out who they are. They want to become individuals. They want to soar freely on their own wings. Yet, ironically, they seem to depend on the approval of their peers. Free from their parents, but enslaved to what their friends think about them. This can make teens rather cruel to those outside their circle. Have you seen this happen?
The dictionary defines a clique as a small exclusive group of friends. Small groups of friends only become sinful when they exclude others—rather than include others. I’ve heard that cliques can be like kryptonite to a youth group—cliques can destroy the only thing that makes us valuable in our culture—the willingness and ability to love others.
Then someone suggested that we encourage the cliques in our youth groups to become “open cliques”? This is an oxymoron—and even worse, just plain moronic. The only open clique is no clique. I understand that cliques are normal for teenagers, but so is a wide variety of sinful behavior.
What will distinguish us from anyone else? If we are no different—that is, if Christ has not changed us and is continuing to change us, then our religion is worthless. If Christ is not who we profess Him to be, then we are to be pitied more than all others. But if Christ Jesus is God, then we must obey His command to “love one another.” (John 13:34-35) This is not easy—for teens or older adults, but let’s allow God to demonstrate His mighty power in and through us to love one another.
Matthew 5:46-47 (NIV)
46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?
John 13:34-35 (NIV)
34“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. 35By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
This is so true and I have seen and had friendships broken up over cliques. Some people think that cliques are ok, maybe that is just because they are on the top or in the popular one. Well I have been in both and cliques just hurt people and we need to love one another. Althougth that’s easier said then done we still have to try.
I agree–we still have to try. I suspect the reason that so many youth workers have resigned themselves to the idea that cliques are normal and we have to learn to live with them is that they are so pervasive. And, no doubt, young people need to find places where they are accepted–even if it means excluding others. But this is wrong and we should seek God’s help to allow our young people to live a life worthy of the gospel, not of the world.
Ted
There was an Oddessy on this subject, I have not actually experienced this but on Oddessy, well it just wasn’t fun. If I was the one that wanted to be in the group, I wouldn’t like it. It would be very uncomfortable, they probably wouldn’t like me very much, they would think me weird. And I need my friends!
I totally got that article, it totally makes sense that it is common. I think it csan get out of control and believe that it shouldn’t happen at church, considering that we need to rely on eachother (boys and girls!!). Just like it says in John 13:34-35, we need to love one another if we want to be his diciples. Oh yeah, you could say, “I love people.” but the reality is, you don’t “love” eveyone in your life. That needs to stop and it seems to grow stronger in and out of cliques. That is why it is important for us as a youth group to welcome eachother no matter what. It is important that we love eachother, because these people probably know what your going through with the evil in the world. Without that and your fellowship, you’re totally lost!! -Ty
That is soooooooooooooooooooo true!!!!!!!
tennagers almost always are in some type of small group. whether you are popular or not!!! tennagers like to hang out with people who except them for who they are unless they totaly are trying to be someone else!!! the problem is that when there is a new kid you don’t want to get involved you already have your own friends why do you need another? he she will probibly hate me anyway why get involved? well what if? maybe he she would be your bff if you talked to him her. you never know… but why not try? find out… the problem with small groups is people can feel left out and like no one cares if you are here.. non christans need to know that most christans are not the same!!! -whitney